For a change- an arbit post

The Last of The Dinosaurs.

“They say that dinosaurs died pretty rapidly in a short period of time.” I said authoritatively to my sister. Her eyebrows were raised in disbelief, “Yeah right. They disappeared one day without any warning at all. Look, extinction is a gradual event; don’t tell me you believe these catastrophe theories offered by these dinosaur experts and geologists.”

Before I could retort, a painfully sharp thought struck my mind with the impact of a boulder aimed at my head. I just gave up on the argument mid way and my sister gloated away to glory.

Why did I have to think of this when I was discussing the extinction of an animal species? Well, the passing away of a culture, of certain long-lived traditions, the gradual disappearance of a set of people who’s achievements shaped the place’s history and reputation, this is as distressing as animal extinction.

OK, if I tell you right now that I’m lamenting the transition that’s restructured the demographics of my college- a transition that’s made the illad numbers crash steeply from 300 odd in 2004 to less than 15 in 2006, I’ll probably be labeled a regional chauvinist and you wont read ahead.

It’s pretty cheeky, comparing my race to dinosaurs, but I take comfort in the fact that it’s thoroughly justified. I don’t want to make it one of those “BITSAT has changed everything, the old system produced more balanced batches” rants that I often indulge in. this article is merely an observation. Over 60 years of BITS history, illads have always had a significant presence on the college scene – cultural, political, academic everything.

And look at what’s happening now. No more ragamalika, no more art and dee, Backstage and Informalz aren’t entirely illad-mallu departments anymore, hmm ELAS has managed to survive, infact it’s grown after BITSAT! On a joyous note, no more PTM (but this is something I’m actually happy about – fanaticism is something I don’t approve of, and I never liked those plays anyway), and thankfully, no more wings of entirely illad girls/guys with boundaries between them drawn along school lines occasionally. (ah, dav G, dav M, PS, enough Madras school snobbery, and no more hassles over TN express bookings, no more compartments entirely filled with the DAV gang.)

What does this mean for BITS- the loss of a community and the deeply entrenched traditions associated with them. Well, I’ll leave you to think about it, being one of the few illads on campus, my opinion will be discounted on this issue. So I’ll just restrict myself to saying inane things like “I’ll miss hearing those idiots play “rainbow remo” 5000 times at a boisterously high volume.” “Oh, I cant overhear those amazingly entertaining stray conversations that run in Tamil at redis where people don’t realize that I’m illad.”

So, BITS can figure out for itself, the impact of this momentous loss- after all it’s hard to find more splendid classes of humanity than the Tam, or if I venture to be cruder, “the Tam Bram.”

Ok, that last sentence was laced with bitterness, and conflict arising from discomfort with my identity. If I were really a chauvinist, I’d have written an essay glorifying tam brams, but I hardly know what being tam bram is all about. I don’t know either Carnatic music (yes believe it- neither vocal nor instrumental.) , nor Bharatnatyam (though I live 5 minutes away fromth Kalakshetra academy.) and I definitely don’t get enthusiastic about the music festival in December, nor do I drool over the idea of setting up golus, nor do I, ok this list will go on forever, better stop. I guess you got the idea- I’m not your typical Tam Bram, and I’m at peace with it.

What I’m not at peace with is – ok here we go again- school issues.

I’d have hated P.S. Senior Secondary School with all my heart if I’d been there a month longer than two years. Yes, it was started by Pennatha Subramaniam Iyer to serve the cause of education etc. Yeah right, 99% of my school mates were tam bram, nearly all the teachers were tam bram, students were rewarded with sugar lumps for chanting the Vishnu sahasranamam on a weekly basis, leave was generously granted for thread ceremonies, avani avittam was a holiday while good Friday wasn’t, PTA meetings would be spectacles where a lot of parents turned up in madisars and veshtis, I remember one occasion when my my father was feeling vaguely out of place in his Peter England pants, and Polished hush puppies. Basically, my school was Tam Bram paradise replete with a carnatic orchestra- the kind you’d send your kids to if you wanted them to grow up into traditional god fearing (and successful) tam bram citizens who’d go to Kanchipuram once a year and start their day with a tape of M.S.Subbalakshmi’s suprabhadam.

Fortunately for me, I was already full formed-mentally that is, before I entered this mad house. Twelve years of a typical convent education (Thank god for St. John’s) made me immune to the nauseating narrow mindedness that persisted. OK, one might ask, why did I join it in the first place?

Same reason most of us did what we did in class 11- JEE, boards results, BITS etc. My school was filled with the cream of Chennai’s annual academic crop (yup, I felt like I’d achieved something great when I got admitted smoothly…. It was glamorous, felt elite and all- and then the startling realizations that followed when the year started- after all a school that half of mylapore went to cant be termed "elite".)

It was the best CBSE school in Madras (buzz off, DAV.) Most students ended up in IITs or at BITS, the others at NIT trichy, so it seemed like a great decision at that time.

I wont talk about those two difficult years, I had fun, but when I entered BITS, I was only too keen to shrug off my Ps identity. “Phew!” I told myself, the first day, “thank god there are very few PS people here, I can finally start being myself, do what I want to do instead of living up to the PS hype.”

I couldn’t have been more wrong, PS has been haunting me all along like an avenging spirit.

Ok 29^th july, I had to get interviewed by a BITS prof as a part of my admission process. Venkatasubramaniam, DLPD, asst Dean looks at my application form- “You’re from PS. That school has always produced great students for us who’re now some of our most illustrious alumni. Good luck.”

and the ragging period when a description of my academic history “12 years at St. John’s.two at PS” would always be follwed by “Oh. You’re from PS? You must be fundoo then.”

PS was an accursed cross I carried around my neck for a year. My school seniors made it damn tough for me, everywhere I heard, “You have to make impact here whether you like it or not- our school has a tradition to live up to at BITS.”

a) P.S sites at BITS had a phenomenal reputation at BITS on account of their outstanding academic achievements – ALL of them –EVERY SINGLE senior was 9.7+. there was this girl who’d made a dual with eee from mms, another who’d made a dual with instru from mms, a guy with mech plus eee who later dropped eee, a bloody 4 sem 10p, two girls in my senior batch who’ve never made more than one b at a time- and they were roomies!

b) ALL P.S students were focused, hardworking, brilliant, they either made brilliant jobs on campus, or made it to the best us univs or the best iims, they managed to crack tests without studying much.

c) in the event that Ps students joined departments/clubs, they always had central positions of power and importance in the dept/club, they often assumed top leadership roles in that dept/club - hmm a music club god every girl had a crush on, an almost stuccan (but for PSD) who is a great ambassador for the department, ELAS (three co-ords from my school in the last two years, and to my consternation most guys from my school are great quizzers.)

d) And Ps students had strong verbal ability

I spent my first year trying to figure out what to do about these intimidating stats, I often plunged into denial, and self-criticism, introspection- you name it.

Finally I stopped trying to live up to it, just gave up getting worked out about this. And it got a lot easier.

OK my academic record isn’t that great, could have been worse though. but it s very tough to replicate their feats in my BITSAT batch, and I m happy with my efforts, I could be called “hardworking etc” and I’ll probably have a decent future.

I m definitely not a brilliant quizzer, but my verbal ability is pretty good, and I’m pretty active in my department/clubs. So I guess I can finally relax after two crazy years here.

Last sem, when I was getting jacked about my grades, I heard this from a school senior “Typical PS senior you are.”

I smiled back serenely. It might have been an insult, might have been a compliment in disguise- whatever it was, it was still the truth.

I’ve stopped trying to be what I’m not, I've finally stopped running away from what i should be and I’ve come back to what I am, what I was, and what I’ll always be.